i feel like shit.
im very sick.
and with all the cryings.
everything's fucked up.


dont be surprised.

i only have one WISH for burfday.
but look at the rate we are goin now.
its impossible.
last year, you werent ard to celebrate my burfday with me.
this year, will you be gone again?
will a text come on the 17th november,
from you wishing me a BELATED burfdae.
all i wanted is to spend the day
with both my BESTFRIEND and BOYFRIEND.

Hadi was a happy boy yesterday!

at 3.15pm, i surprised him in class.
he was doing his presentation.
there was a burfdae cake, cupcakes and this huge burfdae card.
the faci was nice enuff to let us enjoy the cake and
take many many pictures.
hahahas :D


then at 10.30pm,
afta his match, i surprised him with another cake.
this time, tania, yuai and shikinehh was ard.
the cake was frm sweetsecrets and it has his very own picture on it.
hahahahahahas.
alos this time round,
-there was the 18 love notes.
-the 3 blue roses.
-his 3 beloveds, tania, yuai and shikinehh.
-the very nice fossil watch.


he was just so very happy.
and to see that smile, it makes all the sleepless nights, worthwhile.
i baked the mini cupcakes. on the 23rd.
and it writes out happy birthday love. (17 characters, 17 cupcakes)
then the massive yellow and black card,
i did it on the 22nd.
the 18 love notes. (he turned 18)
3 blue roses (ILU, 3 characters)
the 2 burfdae cakes.
the fossil watch.
and his 3 very dear beloveds.
there was 8 surprises in total.
as i love you has 8 characters!



hadi i love you.
i hoped you enjoy every single bit of yesterday!
:D

sometimes i wonder.
where does all this brings me to.
i need a FRIEND to lean on.


the world's abit too superficial.

HAPPY BURFDAE ABDUL HADI!
the love of my life nyehhhh.



mum ; hadi turning 18 uhs?
qim ; yesyes!
mum ; okay then, happy 18th birthday to him!



lalalalalala.
i lovelovelove you hadi!
:D

i just wana let it out here.
its just so fucking irritating.
i feel dinie's agony.


sometimes when i call and you dont ans.
it'll be a miss call.
and the next moment i know,
you text saying ' yes, you called? '
wtfuck. like duhh i called,
since there is a miss call on your phone.
like arghhhh!
still can text. sial uhh.
its just sumthing small
and it gets me damn irritated.
and im not shooting anyone.
but everyone who does that.


and again its not a good weekend.
i seriously need a good dosage of boyf.

if i dont call you
[ means i want you to call me. ]


When i walk away from you mad
[ catch me and hold my hand. ]


When i stare at your mouth
[ HAHAHA ]


When i push you or hit you
[ not that i'll ever,but hug me. ]


When i start curssing at you
[ stare into my eyes, and mean those 3 words. ]


When im quiet
[ Ask me whats wrong, i'll say NOTHING, and you dont give up.]


When i ignore you
[ call me baby. ]


When i pull away
[ hug me tight all over again. ]


When you see me at my worst
[ smile and agree that im cute. ]


When you see me start crying
[ pull me close and lemme cry on you. ]


When you see me walking
[ Sneak up and hug my waist from behind ]


When im scared
[ comfort me. ]


When i lay my head on your shoulder
[ Tilt my head up and kiss me ]


When i tease you
[ laff with me then sulk and tease me back. ]


When i dont answer for a long time
[ treasure me that everything is okay ]


When i look at you with doubt
[ let me hear those 3 words. ]


When i say that i like you
[ I really do more than you could understand. ]


When i grab at your hands
[ Hold mine and play with my fingers ]


When i bump into you
[ bump into me back and make me laugh. ]


When i tell you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold. ]


When i look at you in your eyes
[ dont start playing the staring game! haha ]


When i miss you
[ im hurting inside. ]


When you break my heart
[ the pain never really goes away ]


When i say its over
[ i still want you to be mine ]




baby, i love you

third day of school.
and its sucky alreadi.
we received an assignment of 800word lab report
on our first week. wthh.
and practically everyweek,
we gotta submit at least one lab report.
but on the positive side, ive end my class
at 12 on tuesdays and at 1 on wednesday!
:D


ive been cranky and not myself.
especially yesterday.
i feel awful thou.
raaaah.
im very exhausted,
and totally drained out.
everything gets on my nerves.
and ive gt my events all eating me up.
i need time to breathe.
even today, i was pretty much pissed at myself.
goshh, whats bothering me i wonder.


wanzhen knows my needs!
hahahas.
like the stuffs that i need most,
its in a mth's time.
not to earlie to start looking!
:D finally november is like in 13 days.
hahahahahahas (:

shits do happen sumtimes.


well its okay.
and school started like finally.
but when i was walking to school at 8 todae.
i dread it so muchh luhs.
i had mac for breakfast.
and i cudnt decide what to wear.
esp it being the first day.
huahhahahahahas.
and i settled for skinnies.
:D


and raya's been good.
yesterday was sumwh the cranky day for me.
but on friday night, i was over at his hse.
afta break-fast, wen to sent cookies over.
and his dad asked me in.
wahhh, damn malu. hahahahas.
his mum gave this very colourful cake.
hahahahs :D


im suppose to learn functions (maths) now.
sucky i know.
well, selamat hari raya everyone.
im sorry for all my wrong doings and things ive said.
enjoy your festive. and those having exams,
gooodluck and study hard okay?

:D

defination of a bestfriend ;
as we move on from different phases of life,
the way we term our bestfriend changes to define us.
when in primary school, our bestfriend is one who
would wait for us at the assembly ground each morning.
who would be very eager to show the story book
she brought for reading period.
the one who would hold your hand and walk to the class
being decided from the very first day to be partners.


then when we are in secondary school.
a bestfriend is one you spend almost all
your time in school with.
being in the same cca, the same group of friends.
the same discussion group for each subject.
before school, during recess and after school breakout,
you'll dash out of class first to find your bestfriend
waiting for you at your shared locker.
the one who would oogle with you over
cute socca boys and the very charming track and field boys.
also the late night phone calls where there would be as
much crying and lafter in a 6 hour long conversations.


now in poly, bestfriend ;
is just someone who is ALWAYS at the other end of the line.
especially when we dont go to the same school anymore.
its difficult to just catch up and spend our whole evening
oogling at guys and bitching.
we dont have shared lockers or breaks anymore.
no more trains and bus rides to and frm the school.
all we could afford given our very tight time,
is the phone calls and texts and trying very hard to
at least bump into each other for a hug.


but still, nothing beats the fact that i have
an extremely wonderful bestfriend.
dear bestfriend sweetheart sugarcoated sunshine,
this is for you.
i love you alot uhs!

miss bestfriend, i miss you like fuck.
we really should meet up and not just the hugs and hello.
make yourself free on the 16th of october okay?
we go out, just two of us.
we both need to go for a retail therapy.
i love you so much laaa.


okay. i went to work with ; a very red mosquito bite on my NECK.
im so goin to tell mum its rashes acting up again!
huahahahahahs. i dint realise until my manager saw.
she was like, have you been a naughty girl last night?
then i was like, what is she blabbering about now.
she point to my neck and i remembered smthg.
i went fuck! and dashed to the mirror.
goddd! damn red la abdul hadi!


heeeehhs.
yesterday was the start of our 3rd mth.
it started well.
i went to republic poly to surprise dearest.
hehh. with a blue rose andand a very long love letter.
went right to his class. :D
then we went to vivo to have our break-fast.
sat by the extremely nice view and our take aways BurgerKing.
and then had fun rushing to one fullerton
to surprise sikinehhh. hahahas :D
all becoz her daddy was ngry at her and she gotta be hme earlie.
haaaaaah


my life damn colourful now.
and i love both my sunshines like fuck!
side track ; ive used THREE fucks.
okay tooodles now! smacks(x