i just deleted a post.
coz i realise, i shouldnt do anything when im angry.
and that post was very much written out of anger.


everyone has flaws.
especially me.
im full of myself.
that in trying.
but if things were different,
i wont be where i am now.


i wont say anithing else to the shits that you blabber.
i dun wana hold grudges.
( now dont you dare say, ive ntg to defend myself )
( you'll be very wrong )
especially against you.
someone who ought to be
the bestf cum the ex boyf.
anyways, i'll miss you.
nytes.



[its 6:03am]

i very much want to be the strong girl.
everyone is asking me to keep strong.
but how exactly do i do just that?
ignore every single thing that relates to you?
avoid every single thing that has you.
remove down all the frames and pictures of you.
what about all the dooodlings, the coloured papers.
the cut out hearts, the diary, the watch,
the tops, the mirror. the entries of our happiness.
today being the 3rd weeek.
i finally cried. i cried like there was no tmr.
and i dont think i can stop anytime soon.
dont ask me to stop crying now,
coz i need to let it all out.
hopefully i feel better.
i cant put up a brave front anymore.
i cant pretend to be happy,
and just go out along with everyone.
just so you know, ive decided to move on.


[ period , bestfriend just called.
and to hear her at the other end of the line.
makes it all tonnes better . ]


lemme cry tonight.
lemme feel bloooody miserable tonight.
allow me to look horrible and distraught tmr.
cause i'll party on the 31st.
and rejoice for the year has come to an end.


thank you Hadi for making my 2oo7
a very splendid one.
i'll never regret a single bit,
for i know i gave my best to you.
sometimes changing a lil for the better might help.
now, gooodbye love.

hmmm.
ive been having loads of fun.
only to return home late at night crying to myself.
i know im not suppose to feel this way at all.
and i promise to move on.


i met qayyum to shop ard for bestest xmas present.
goshhhh! it was so much funnn shopping for her.
huahahahahhaas, and of all people, qayyum.
[ my new bitching partner, very bitcy. ]
[ hahahahahahahah :D ]
we were checking out hot girls almost everywhere.
then met shikinehhh aslam and hakimo.
we were pretty aimless for the first 2 hours.
then we just stared at the fish tank down basement at atria.
for like 20 minutes and decided for laupasat.
but it seeeeem so far away that we settled for far east.
and after so long, i finally manage to laf like alot.
then met the usual kakis for supper.


im on a strict diet.
intensive training is starting.
and i cant wait!
weeeeeeeeeeee. :D
much love everyone.




and yes, qayyum is my ex.
and i wont ever deny that fact.
but at least he is true to his words.
we are friends now.
even better than friends.
we can just sit and bitch,
like goood old friends.

[ i miss every single bit of this ]

lets see.
ive been good.
smiling a whole lot now.


ive had my movies.
ive had my star gazing.
ive had my starbucks.
ive had my fish soup.
ive had my tomyum.
ive had my sleep in all day.
ive had my extra dosage of chocolates.


i went star gazing frm 10pm to 2am.
at marina south. a very very very nice place.


the following day i went out with cuzin and his friends
for a movie and light lunch. famous amos cookies.
whats qim without it? hahahas.
then very evening i met yoooom
yes, abdul qayyum bin ayob.
hahahahas :D
random shit i knw.
bt it was nice doing all the catching up.
just to realise hw much the ex actually rmbs
and knws you frm the very beginning.
just hw comfortable it was.
and he just kept saying,
why dont you tell me smthg new.
huahahahas.
i had fun that day.
he ended it with,
qim is my hot ex girlf.
hahahahahas.


hopefully i'll meet mr clown tmr.
gooodnite now.

i hate it when it happens.
i'll smile and move along now.
ive got an lj.


salmah's ; BE EVERY COLOUR THAT YOU ARE.
allow me to be filled in with love.
i'll explore and keep you safe,
meanwhile, goodnight baby.








BESTEST.
this is for you.
please know youre loved dearly by me.
do hydrate yourself very well,
and have plenty of rest.
i know its new year's performance.
its big gigantic humongous,
but if you ever feel faint,
sit down take 5, drink water.
dont skip your meals,
have proper carbohydrates and proteins to keep you going okay.
i miss you F much.
i'll wait till youve settled down.
to have all of you for MYSELF.
I LOVE YOU PLENTYFUL BESTEST!

so what now?
i should have known?
are you slowly disappearing on me AGAIN?
what about the weekly tuesdays aside for movies?
sweet addictions, hmmm.


ive watched alvin the chipmunk.
very entertaining and cute uhs.
golden compass was abit too draggy and long.
i was lost half way thru the movie.
mr magorium's wonder emporium
wasnt too bad, very extra ordinary.


my movie ratings for the week i guess?
hahahahahas :D
just how much ive watched aye.

im one confuse girl.
tell me all about it.



IPOD NANO! :D

the week's been very stupid.
i'll jump and be happy.
flood me with chocolates,
and i'll return you loads of love.
hows that?

ps ; i miss you.

you know what.
i give up,
im not keeping quiet.


its not my fault that im in this mess.
and its not smthg that i enjoy either.
and yes, ive been going out with other ppl
ever since we broke up.
but that doesnt concern any of you.
blooody bitch, stop bitching.
yes, i went out, lunch movie and shopping.
its all dates.
but issit all wrong?


what am i suppose to do?
lock myself in the room,
cry my eyes heart and soul out?
and then sit ard feeling helpless?
all that for what?
and where am i heading now,
dig my own grave and bury myself?


and now to hadi,
hadi, what now?
space and time?
i duno hw distraught and terrible you may be.
but im trying to cope too.
egos aside, what is it that you see in me?
to give it another shot, do you think it'll last?
im very tired of the games we play.
we'll prolly have restrictions now.
but i dont think i can adapt to you anymore.
i dont wana get hurt at all.
giving you leeways only to hurt myself.
im not strong anymore,
i gave alot in the 5 mths.
we'll reflect, and have smtg good for new year okay.
im shutting down everything now.
its safe to switch off.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY MISS HER.
SHE GOT ME SO HIGH THAT SATURDAY NIGHT BABY.

after so long.
im good poeople.
ive been smiling a whole lot.


ive been keeping myself very busy with work.
and trying to complete my 800 word report.


i manage to go shopping with muhaimin last friday.
he drives to my place to fetched me.
bloooody rain, lucky it dint dampen our mooods.
well, i got my nike watterbottle and booots!


applauds to the existance of clowns.
he makes me smile.
thankgod you stoooood by.


I MISS BESTEST LIKE GAZILLIONS OF DINOSAURS.
i miss salmah and wanzhen too!


GF it stands more for a goodfriend or girlfriend?
what is the first thing that comes to you mind?
tell me all about it boy,
its time we do self reflection okay?


see you soon folks!

; some people hide their every desire,
just look into my eyes,
cause the heart never lies.



baby its true.


had maths paper today.
was pretty much fun somehow?
saturday was a blast (:

its almost 3am.
and im not asleep.
and why cant i sleep?
cause i miss him.
fuck, i hate myself.

i went skafest.
ytd and today.
and both days i got home very late.
and i CANNOT go 2mr coz ive got exams on monday.
i had fun on both days.
shank with friends.
and hadd so much fun.
today bestest was ard.
she saw me smile.
and thank you to the wonderful friends.
who helped me got thru last night.
and made me smile today.


bestest zylla.
candy wanzhen.
eyecandy jenmark.
nadia kcp.
nadiah anderson.
muhaimin & azreen.
andand badot(:






goodbye now dear love.
i had a blast.
ive gave you my best.
(:

i mugged pretty well today.
i feel very accomplised.
manage to catch the socca match.
wahahahaha. we won.
a pretty trashing game.
hafiz scored like 3.
hahahahas. im going skafest tmr.
i need to spend sum time out.
with alot of girls.
im heading to esplanade,
with a WHOLE BIGGGG group of people.
i'll have fun.


ONEWEEEEEEK,
we'll see.


cheeseprata and ice milo anyone? :D

omgg.
i feel so out of place.
my brother's kids.
i refer to them as DARLINGGGGS.
the 2 oldest one.
aged 9 and 8.
both of them were strumming the guitar.
not just strumming to something stupid.
but to songs from green day and akon.
wake me up when september ends.
the boulevard of broken dreams.
and lonely.
like woahhhhhhh.
omggggg. i feel very old somehow.
:D

kkay, back to mugging.

on monday,
exams will start for me.
i know i need to concentrate.
i know i need to mugg hard.
i know i ought to keep up to my expectations.
but dearest all, im trying.
i really am.


things will be okay after last night i hope.
i dont wana move on without you being in the next phase.
and i think we've argued far too much since last week.
enough to last us a whole month.
we both must always remember why we were
here together in the first place.
i've been missing you alot.
we haven had our night hogs on the fone.
our lil love texts every now and then.
and our very late night supper.
i miss you.
without any doubt ;
baby, i love you.

i was mugging in school.
huda came and was like,
qim to the pitch?
i was wayy to tired to continue mugging.
but not to tired to walk to sports complex.
hahahahahahha :D
and i changed to boots and all.
and had my very first socca training.
i think it was official?
i had fun, i was positioned center,
and yet i did all the defending.
how cool, so the girls were like shouting
QIMMMM also everywhere.
and the guys who were on the same pitch
started to call too.
after training the guys were like
qimqimqimqimqim.
blooody irritating i tell you.
i'll wear off eventually.


i was quiet the whole day.
but i had fun :D

ive been mugging.
it keeps me busy.
ytd mugged with eyecandy at bishan library.
after 2 hours of intensive studying
(or so we call it)
we were damn hungry.
and had ramli burger from the pasar malam.
im the girl wifout chilli sauce and veggie.
then we WALKED home from bishan.
we stop by over at bestest place.
shouted and tried communicating to her,
frm her kitchen's window.
it was 10pm. imagine her neighbours sweeetdreams.
hahahas. she came down and just slacked for awhile.
and was too tired to mug when i got home.
i'll smile now.
xmas cuming, its time for a celebration.