'you love me and i wont let you fall girl'

That line, now it all comes to nothing.
Well done qim.


DEPRESSD

i called two of you.
when i needed you the most.
both dint ans my calls.

now im at my ultimate worst.
im gonna go out for a walk.
i dont feel like coming back,
i dont even feel like talking to anyone.

people closest to the heart, please takekaire.

Rmeber all our similarities, frm cheeseprata to icemilo to chicken rice to youcharkuay to fried kwayteow. how we handled difficult situations, difficult people and difficult customers. how we would end up giving same excuses for the same thing, hw we avoid clingy people, coming up w excuses. our late night calls and webcamming session, ending up crapping making stupid gestures hand signals and priceless face expressions. how you would printscreeen and save the pictures and compile them. just to make qim look super horrible. how we would decide for each other wht movie to watch online, end up crying, using shirts to wipe coz too lazy to take tissue. both w spects trying really hard to not cry and hide those big fat tears behind the specs. strawberry banana milkshake, that hothot day whn you came down to madjack to help me w storing the boots. that face you make each time you receive a letter and each time youre done reading the letters, forever scolding me coz i make you smile too much, like budak belo. forever reading those letters in public places like the mrt thn texting me saying i made you look belo. how you and i like our burgers w/o vege. but tht you prefer tht i filter out the vege for you instead.

i can go on all day, but the point is we've known each other alot. we have learnt about each other alot given only 20weeks tgether. i still think its been a lifetime.
we both know how special this is to us, how at the end of the day only exactly you who will understand me best especially those times whn ive only a few words to spare. dear kakdee, in time to come, please dnot disappear. we have seen each other at our worst. we have seen each other breaking up, breaking down and break apart. we have accepted each other's flaws and lived w it. we have both brought down our ego walls to just keep seeing each other pull thru. i know this is special. i want to empahise it to you again and again. this is really special.

so on this special day, i like to wish you the warmest, happiest, most spledid, extremely colourful, joyous crazy twentyfirst. smile too many and jump too much for the world to see coz my kakdee is onespecialperson.

Im done sharing w you stories of my life.
goodbye and goodnight everyone.

Also on friday.
i had breakfast lunch and dinner with you :D

my friday.
i'll study hard during the weekend i promise :D



























we took 172 pictures.
imagine that please :D

hello world, again :D

dnot judge me please.
labelling me is bad enuff.
and i can assure you im happy.
i am happy, im not gona repeat myself.
im not gonna look back,
neither am i looking far into the future just yet.

now if you can, smile w me please? :D

i asked people closest to the heart, what is love to them in one line.
this is what i got,
; Love is haiyahh.
; Love is when two people sharing happinesss together.
; Love is losing sleep, watching him sleep, in a good way.
; Love is like peanut butter jelly time.
; Love is You.

take note of the last one. gave me all kinds of feeling in the world, that kinda vibe more of an electric impulse all over the body. whn the face glows in the middle of the night, during the darkest of time. you made my whole week seem bearable, thankyou :D

headed to cityhall and collected padang tixs w sister.
parted away, headed to station to meet aza.
and had popeye's for dinner ( 2nd time in the week )
walked manymany big rounds to padang coz of the road blocks.
damn frustrating w the human jam and constant pushing around.
collected our funpack, armed ourselves w ponchos !
damn kecohh i tell you, she and her gummies, paddle, lights, flag, drinks.
fireworks wasnt spectacular, but the fact that i was w you.
that was smtg a lil special, thankyou.

we met shups and feixin,
headed to clarke quay, clubbing.
but miscommunication, we were in the cab home,
friend called to tell me we could hav been to MOS.
Next, headed to Hillcrest Road, shupp's plc.
aza and feixin had their mini clubbing scene, DLB U.
Cluedo, taboo, gin, e33, beer, redbull, coke and fried rice.
We finally slept at 5am.
thankyou for the night girls.

oky, soccer match at 5pm.
just abit more and i'll leave house.

thankyou for reading patiently.
cause im done here like for good this time.
i blief that my life isnt for you to talk about :D
ive moved, to LJ, yes believe it or not. hahahahaha.
its not a new LJ thou, its the same one (:

im done w sharing you stories of my life here.
cause' i realise its not smtg for you to talk about.
thankyou for listening patiently.
Ive move to LJ, yes believe it or not, for good now.

private thou.
http://qimmm.livejournal.com

i miss alot of ppl.
i wanna see alot of ppl.
hopefully after exams.
i need to resume training.
i need to start running.
im getting too fat.

anyhoos, dear gf. you can go find your design student. i sit one corner draw circles for you. maybe just maybe, if im out of paper, i'll go find you and your design student and snatch her drawing papers to continue drawing circles. omg omg omg, im not feeling hatred, nor jealousy. hahahahaha. i declare WAR :D

december is nearing.
we have and will manage to pull thru, stay strong love.

keep the faith in :D

i started studying at 0200hours right till 0500hours.
had my mcdonald pancake breakfast.
and walked home, just in time to wake mum up fr dawn.
had my shortshort nap before heading back to school at 1000hours.

and at 1327hours, im in school mugging.
i need to pass my modules.

i want you to be okay.

baby, ive a song just for you.

Yah azizi (yo precious) is mahiri
I really don't wanna see u cry
Mujko samjho dil peh mat lo (understand me don't take it to heart)
Don't wana see another tear in your eye
Baby break away
Let her go
I don't know she's done to you
But I know that it's time to move on
Girl your is love blind

Girl I understand
That you're scared
And you feel that you might never love again
But baby that ain't true
No no no
I know that there some there for you
Someone that will see
That you are worth
An undiscovered treasure on this earth
Girl you know your worth so much more
Wana see you out that door

im waiting for my sister to come home from KL w chicken floss. And i dont feel like going out yet, especially if destination is to pasir ris. i swear i feel lonely just abit more time oky. im afraid i'll fall for you all over again, and its gonna be a blooody messsy affair. and i think im oky. well, relatively i can be oky. its a good time i put a halt to everything else in the world. coz ive my exams. ive to study to really be able to get thru this semester. not doing good at all for common test is already bad enough. ive to even put photoshoots and video-footage aside coz i really need to concentrate. ive to stop saying yes to lunches and dinners, well supper could be an exception. i need to do a few things by end of the week. ive 2 papers this friday. ive 3 more papers in mid august. now see my crampish schedule. w both floorball and soccer league.

in life, we have to learn to let go. even if sometimes its too tough. you already had the best of it. letting go is the next thing. it will come back to you if its meant to be. i cannot be your rebound. if you really wana see me often enough, youve to do something. you really cannot expect to have both. i know you feel sucky each time you quarrel w her. but wanting to see me right after ? what do you take me for dear love ? you very well know i feel like jumping into bus 39 right away. but ive to pull myself back. i cant be doing this all the time. not every single time both you and i wana see each other. like hw i put it earlier. in life, we gotta learn to let go. and i guess, im learning to let go. having faith on smtg like this, seem almost impossible.

have a good week ahead everyone.

The finer things in life, is those stuffs that if you hold on too tightly, it'll just slip. Lets create an illusion of love. Illusion, an untrue influence of reality. Lets face it, love hurts. How many times have bestfriends/friends/closefriends/goodfriends/acquaintances maybe even strangers tell you that love hurts ? But what exactly is the strong pull that makes us stronger each time we get hurt ? Pulling us right back, even better this time round ? We know we are bound to get hurt, just the unlucky one, over and over again, yet we allow ourself to fall in love, deeply. Why ? Im not giving up on love, im not letting love go, im also not looking for love just yet. Profound love, any idea anyone ? Im taken aback with what love is capable of. All in all, one should be loved for who she is, not who she is expected to be.

I do not want to feel languish in your presence.

Look, you made me believe in faith.
You asked me to hold on to faith.
And im spose to still have faith ?
after all this ? im not sure.

i came to school w those stupid small eyes again.
and this is what my classmates did for me.







i had to carry this around, all the way till town.
had my one-meal-a-day.
thn headed to hajilane :D

am not relatively happy.
but i can try, i'll really try.

im sorry.
im choking on my tears.
i'll make a stand.

i was never good enough.
not even close to it,
you could have told me earlier.

see the damage done now.
i dont fight back the big heavy fat tears.
infact, i allow them to flow freely.

to see you go away, it was the hardest.